Bankophobia: Don’t Let the Banks Give You a Bad Deal

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It seems I’ve developed a bad case of bankophobia lately. Clients are screaming about their miserable experiences trying to refi. Experts like William K. Black on Bill Moyer’s Journal, a formner regulator, reveal the Big Bankers are actually fraudsters and they know it. Almost everything I’m reading about the bailout of these pernicius institutions is making steam come out my ears.

Really, I  am a naturally optimistic person.  I rarely think ill of anyone without, of course, proof positive. I do exempt  Bernie Madoff, naturally; he’s pretty clearly nothing but a thief. Then, there’s Ken Lewis, CEO  of Bank of America–he’s a regular snake. Not only does he grab all the dough he can get from the tax payers, but he turns around, giving billions in bonuses to his cronies all the while trying to pull the rug out from regular working Americans who might try to level the playing fied by joining a union. That really steams me! These–hogs is the only term I can think for them–can never have enough for themselves, but they put up every barrier they can think of to prevent others from even having a steady income or a potential retirement. Maybe we should bring back the guillotine…Just kidding.  Then, there’s John Thain, lately CEO of Merrill Lynch, who gave out billions to his cronies with the connivance of Ken Lewis just before B of A took over his company.

This whole affair is sickening. The little that the present administration is doing for actual citizens includes The Making Home Affordable Plan offering 105% refis. These loans are now available and even some in the Southland could take advantage of the now amazingly low rates to do a refi. Don’t bet on it because these very same banks who received bailout money apparently don’t want you to get any advantage whatsoever. Sounds to be like Ken Lewisism gone amok. Here’s just a few examples of how hard they are making it.

First, many banks are applying super-tough appraisal conditions so homes don’t qualify.” Nope–we see your home as worth $310,000, not $312,000 so you don’y qualify. Next.”   Then, there’s the private mortgage insurance premium sticking point. Got PMI? Lenders like Wells Fargo and Countrywide won’t touch your refi. Together, they probably have half the loans in the country. Maybe later…they say.

If you have PMI with MGIC and it’s one of the biggest, if not the biggest PMI company, then you must refi with your current lender. That’s MGIC’s rule, not the program’s. Don’t like your current lender? Tough tiddlywinks to you. MGIC owns you.

Loan fees–be sure to get a GFE–good faith estimate–in writing because some banks are making hay while the sun shines–what else is new?-and charging exorbitant fees. This is a federal law, so if  you can’t or don’t get one right away, walk right on by no matter how good the deal seems. Because–it isn’t. This is one of the oldest tricks in the lending business: promise them everything, but never put it in writing.

Here’s another sticky wicket: HELOCs–equity lines of credit. Either the bank issuing the HELOC refuses to subordinate, though it’s already subordinate, or the new bank says, “Oops, with the new loan combined LTV [loan to value] is too high. Can’t do it.” This is a variation on the appraisal gambit.

Then, there’s credit. You don’t have a 740 FICO? You’re out. And, you better have a job because you will have to qualify and you will have to reveal your entire financial picture. These last are not so bad to mymind. Now, at least we’re returning to sanity and trying to lend only to qualified borrowers. Trouble is Obama’s program is supposed to be helping”potentially troubled”  homeowners stay out of trouble.

Last but not least is the most infuriating and frustrating aspect of the whole process…Actually, this one has two intertwined parts. The first is the incredible voice maze you must navigate to talk to your bank. The unconscionable hold times we are all subject to these days. And, then, after waiting 45 minutes on hold, you get to speak to Joe Moron who tells you all kinds of false and crack-brain stuff–“You must be behind in your mortgage to do a refi”–Huh? “We’ve never heard of Obama’s plan. Making Home Affordable Plan? Never heard of it? We live on Planet Pluto.”  Sometimes you get to chat with a dingbat in the Phillippines or maybe Bangalore–always nice, always out to lunch.

If all else fails–somehow–you get disconnected.

These are a few of the reasons I’ve developed a bad case of bankophobia.

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